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Everything you ever wanted to know about sex, but were too squeamish to ask

Sebastian Horsley and Marion McBride
Sunday January 8, 2006
The Observer
'My husband likes sex in places where we might be seen. The more embarrassed I get the keener he is. How can I stop this stupid game without stifling his passion?'
I have spent my life looking through keyholes. I may have seen you, my darling. May it comfort you to know that I also enjoy being watched? I am desperate for attention. Voyeurism is a healthy, non-participatory sexual activity. The world should look at the world. It is a sad human being that has something to hide from the public.
All concealment is wrong. If there was no evasion there would be no snooping. Lead, don't follow. Up the ante. Don't leave the curtains open - try the door. Parks? What about car parks? Group therapy? Take him to an orgy. Alfresco sex? Pah! Kid's stuff. Try fresco - up against a painted backdrop in an Italian church.
The neighbours' curiosity about you is a tribute to your individuality and you should encourage it. All you have to do to get this situation on to your own terms is to decide what image of yourself you are going to present to the world. Once you start to cultivate your image, you start to cultivate your exhibitionism.
Take it from a professional: exhibitionism is like a drug. You need bigger and bigger doses to fix you.
Your boyfriend's motives simply don't matter. But obviously it is not a 'stupid game' to him. Sex is like all games: it becomes more interesting when played for higher stakes. He will have to follow you. He is your leader.
If you cannot do any of this then you must leave him. This would be a shame. You cannot discover yourself by merely forbidding.
The most important thing is for you to be able to be whatever you are without shame. Either you conceal who you are in an attempt to be accepted, or you celebrate who you are and risk being rejected.

Sebastian Horsley
What fun your husband is. There's nothing like being escorted from the park in kinky handcuffs by a member of your friendly local constabulary to add that bit of spice to your sex life - and how thoughtful of him to provide hours of CCTV coverage of live sex for the security firms who monitor the cameras in all those dark alleys. There they are on a slow night, and instead of a dodgy man in a hood, they get an amateur performance of Eyes Wide Shut.
But before we even get to those thrilling public indecency charges, there's a more pressing problem to be addressed while you readjust your clothing: why you are so worried about letting your husband think you don't enjoy his passion. Newsflash - YOU DON'T. If you both get a kick out of cavorting in the box hedge, great. You can take your chances at being caught, and enjoy the thrill of someone spotting you with your kit off. But this isn't the case.
While you're treading delicately through the herbaceous borders of the municipal gardens, you don't seem to have asked yourself why your embarrassment not only fails to have any impact on his behaviour, but, on the contrary, excites him more. And since he isn't listening to your body language, you need to spell it out.
Your husband seems more concerned with ticking all the boxes on his exhibitionist wish-list than whether you're enjoying it. In any relationship, when one person is uncomfortable with something that the other one wants, a compromise has to be reached. Work something out that satisfies his schoolboy sense of danger and your desire not to be caught with your pants down. And if he still doesn't listen, steer him away from deserted alleys and park benches to somewhere remote, like Dartmoor. Then leave him there with a girlie mag and check yourself into a nice hotel.

Marion McBride

alfresco- na świeżym powietrzu
cavort- baraszkować
conceal- ukrywać, zatajać
concealment- tajenie, ukrywanie
constabulary- policyjny
dodgy- niebudzący zaufania, niebezpieczny
evasion- unikanie
forbid- zakazywać
fresco- fresk
girlie mag- świerszczyk (pismo)
herbaceous- zielny
kinky- perwersyjny
merely- wyłącznie, tylko
non-participatory- nieuczestniczący
readjust- przystosować, poprawiać
reject- odrzucać
remote- odległy
snoop- węszyć, szpiegować
stifle- tłumic, dusić, hamować
up the ante- podnosic stawkę


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